I think it is important to have a list of qualities you require in a future spouse before ever dating someone. Making a list of the qualities you’re looking for in a future husband will help you discern whether or not the person you like is really husband material. And I’m not talking about he needs to be 6’ 1” with curly blond hair. I mean a list of godly character qualities that you have to have in your future husband. No one is perfect, but if he is a godly man, his character will show these qualities and that he is learning to become more like Christ.
I’ve made a list of qualities to help me remember the type of guy I want to marry. Below I share a few of the qualities on my list. Everyone’s list will look a little different, but I’d like to share a few character traits that I think every girl should look for. Qualities of a man worth marrying are in no way limited to these 10 qualities.
1. He lives his life devoted to God.
By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked. — 1 John 2:5b-6
I think I’ve always known that the most important characteristic for my future husband was that he was a Christian. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that it’s important for me to be more specific.
Sadly, many people say they are Christians, but they don’t live a life completely devoted to Christ. I do not want to marry a man who simply calls himself a Christian and goes to church every Sunday morning. I want my husband to love God more than he loves me. I want my husband to know God and constantly seek Him through prayer, serving, and studying the Bible.
Make sure that your husband shares the same beliefs about biblical doctrine as you, and let him prove with the way he lives his life that he really does have a relationship with our Savior.
2. He loves his family.
And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ — Matthew 22:37-39
Marry a man who loves people, especially his family. They say if you want to see how a guy will one day treat his wife, look at how he treats his mother. You can tell a lot about a person just by the way they act around their family. Is he disrespectful to his parents and constantly putting down his siblings? If so, that is a major red flag. The way he treats his family now will probably be how he treats you and your children in the future. There isn’t a switch that is suddenly flipped as soon as you’re married that will change his behavior. Look for a guy who honors and respects his parents and encourages and invests in his siblings.
3. He is a gentlemen.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,… — Ephesians 5:25
A true gentleman looks to Christ as his example for how to live. He looks out for the needs of others before himself. This could include anyone he knows, but especially his wife. A gentleman will open the door, help you with your coat, and be genuinely concerned about your well-being. He will gladly put you first as a way of showing you that he honors and loves you. A gentleman will also respect you and your purity.
(Side note for girls: Paul is speaking directly to married women in these verses. Until you are married, the only man you should submit to is your father. It is his role to be leader and protector over you until you are married. However, this verse is still important to keep in mind, because you want to marry a man who you could gladly submit to and let lead you and your family. You can also put those principles into practice now by trusting and allowing your father lead you.)
4. He is a leader.
But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ. — 1 Corinthians 11:3
It is the man’s role in the relationship to lead. He should be able to lead you and your family financially and spiritually. A good leader makes wise decisions, and he seeks the wisdom and counsel of God as well as godly people in his life. He will also seek the advice and wisdom of his wife, valuing her opinion. A good leader does not have to have all the answers but the ability to make wise decisions, and he should always seek God’s guidance and wisdom in those decisions.
5. He is a diligent worker.
Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. — Colossians 3:23-24
Your future husband should be a diligent worker in whatever he does. He should be self-disciplined, focused, and striving to do his very best, whether he is working, studying, or serving. Marry a man who isn’t satisfied with the bare minimum required to get by. He will still make mistakes, but he should always try to do his very best, no matter what he is doing.
6. He is a man of integrity.
Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who deal faithfully are His delight. — Proverbs 12:22
He must be honest and trustworthy. You can’t have a strong, healthy relationship with someone you don’t trust. He should strive to do what is right, no matter who is watching or what others may say about him. He should never put you in a compromising position. Instead, he should always look out for your physical safety and protect your character.
7. He is humble and willing to forgive.
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. — Colossians 3:12-13
Your future husband should not be cocky or arrogant. He won’t put people down just to make himself look better. He will be a team player and encouraging to others. He will admit when he is wrong instead of trying to make excuses, and he will ask for forgiveness.
8. He is kind.
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. — Ephesians 4:32
A godly man will treat everyone he meets with kindness and respect. He won’t speak badly of others. He will respect authority and build people up. He will care for people and want to serve them, showing by his actions the love of Christ.
9. He is himself.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. — Romans 12:2
A godly man won’t try to conform to what this world says he should be. He won’t try to hide who he is or try to change just because people tell him he should talk or act a certain way. A godly man will only be concerned with being the man God has created him and called him to be. He will be confident in who he is: a child of the King.
10. You enjoy being with him.
You will hopefully meet many young men who live a life devoted to Christ and live with a godly character. But if you don’t enjoy being with him, he isn’t the one for you. You should want to spend time with your future husband. You should be able to laugh and have fun together. All the other character qualities are extremely important, but if you don’t love him and desire to spend time with him, he probably isn’t the one.
Girls, you may be wondering if there are even guys like this who exist. There are. Don’t give up or settle for less just because you haven’t meet a guy like this or “all the good ones are taken”. Trust God, the Author of Romance, and His perfect timing. When it is His time, He will bring you and your future husband together. Until then, focus on knowing the True Prince who has already died and rose again to save you. He wants you to know and love Him deeply.
Guys, this isn’t a cheat sheet for winning a girl’s heart. Your number one priority should be to know God and grow in your relationship with Him. If you focus on following Him, you will learn how to be a gentleman and a leader. Just like girls need to wait on God’s perfect plan and timing, so should you. If there is a girl you are interested in pursuing, spend time in prayer and seek wisdom from godly people you trust. Make sure you have a strong relationship with our Savior before you consider pursuing a girl.
What other qualities do you think are important in a godly man and husband? Share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to read what you have to say.
And be sure to read my other post 10 Qualities of a Woman Worth Marrying.
Your sister in Christ,