In the last post 10 Qualities of a Man Worth Marrying, I talked about the importance of having a list of qualities you require in a future husband. Making a list of the qualities you’re looking for in a future spouse will help you discern whether or not the person you like has the qualities needed to be your spouse in the future.
In this post, I would like to share the 10 Qualities of a Woman Worth Marrying. And I’m not talking about her having green eyes or dark hair. I mean a list of godly character qualities that you have to have in your future wife. No one is perfect, but if she is a godly woman, her character will show these qualities and show that she is learning to become more like Christ.
I made a list of the character qualities I wanted my husband to have, and I had both of my parents read it. After my dad read the list, he suggested making another list with the character qualities of the wife I wanted to be. That was something I had never thought about, but I thought it was a great idea. Below is my list of the type of person and wife I want to be, but I think these godly characteristics should be qualities every woman should strive for.
1. She lives her life devoted to God.
By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked. — 1 John 2:5b-6
I learned a long time ago that there is a huge difference between saying you are a Christian and living as a Christian. The Bible is clear that there is nothing we can do to save ourselves (Romans 3:21-30, Ephesians 2:8-9), but it is also clear that if we have been saved and born again in Christ we will be a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). We will want to invest in a deep relationship with Christ and want to follow Him out of immense love and gratitude for all that He did for us and continues to do for us.
It is my desire to live my life devoted to God. I still have a whole lot to learn, but this is something I am striving to do. You will know a man by his fruit (Matthew 7:16-20, Luke 6:43-45), and if a woman is truly focused on God, it will be evident in the way she lives her life.
2. She loves her family
And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ — Matthew 22:37-39
Guys, marry a woman who loves people, but especially her family. They say if you want to see how a girl will one day treat her husband, look at how she treats her father. People are usually most comfortable being their self around their family, so often you can really see who a person is when they are with their family. Does she talk back to her father and neglect her siblings? Those are major red flags. The way a woman treats her family now will probably be how she treats you and your future children. Look for a woman who respects and honors her parents and spends time with and loves her siblings.
3. She is a lady.
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife. As Christ is also the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. — Ephesians 5:22-24
Part of being a lady means letting the man lead. It means graciously allowing them to open doors and start the relationship. In a world that screams for girls to embrace “girl power”, it can be difficult to set our egos aside and allow men to be gentlemen like God intended. If we do encourage men to lead, we are becoming women like God intended. It is our role to support our husbands in what they do, serve them, and follow their lead.
(Side note for girls: Paul is speaking directly to married women in these verses. Until you are married, the only man you should submit to is your father. It is his role to be leader and protector over you until you are married. However, this verse is still important to keep in mind, because you want to marry a man who you could gladly submit to and let lead you and your family. You can also put those principles into practice now by trusting and allowing your father lead you.)
Guys, marry a woman who will gladly serve you so that you can serve others. Marry a woman who doesn’t constantly try to control everything. Marry a woman with a true servant’s heart, which is my next quality.
(Side note to guys: Until you are married, a woman is still under the leadership and protection of her father. However, it is still important to keep this verse in mind and look for a woman who respects and honors her father.)
4. She has a servant’s heart.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. — Philippians 2:3-4
I think this one goes right along with being a lady because a true lady will desire to serve others. She will serve her family, friends, church, and even strangers. She will be a gracious host who delights in looking out for every need of her guests. She will serve her husband and family by taking care of them and their home.
5. She is a diligent worker.
She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. — Proverbs 31:27
Your future wife should be a diligent worker no matter what she is doing. She should be organized and self-disciplined. She should always strive to do her best, whether she’s studying, serving, or working. She will still make mistakes, but she will always try to do her very best, never satisfied with just the bare minimum required of her.
6. She is a woman of integrity.
The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. — Proverbs 31:11
She must be honest and trustworthy. You can’t build a strong, healthy relationship (much less a marriage) with someone you can’t trust. She should also strive to do what is right, no matter what others might say and even when no one is watching. She should never put you in a compromising position. Instead, she should always desire to protect your character and purity.
7. She is humble and willing to forgive.
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. — Colossians 3:12-13
Girls, I think we all dream of that perfect Prince Charming who will one day sweep us off our feet, but there is only One perfect Prince who has already come to save us. Your future husband will be as flawed as you are. Be willing to forgive him when he messes up, whether he admits he is wrong or not.
Guys, marry a woman who is humble and willing to forgive, not just you, but any one who wrongs her or messes up. Marry a woman who isn’t proud and doesn’t try to show off to others. A woman who can also admit when she is wrong and ask for forgiveness.
8. She is kind.
She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. — Proverbs 31:26
A godly woman will treat everyone with kindness and respect. She won’t gossip. She will respect authority and build people up, instead of tearing them down. She will care for the people in her life and have a desire to serve them.
9. She is herself.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. — Romans 12:2
A godly woman gladly embraces her God-given role as a woman. She will be comfortable with who she is, instead of trying to become someone else. She won’t try to hide or become someone else because of what the world tells her. A godly woman will only be concerned with being the woman God created her and called her to be. She will be confident in who she is: a daughter of the King.
10. You enjoy being with her.
You will hopefully meet many young women who live a life devoted to Christ and live with godly character. But if you don’t enjoy being with her, she probably isn’t the one for you. You should want to spend time with your future wife. You should be able to have fun and laugh together. All these character qualities are extremely important, but if you don’t love her and desire to be with her, she probably isn’t the one.
Guys, girls like this do exist, and they are worth waiting for. Trust God’s timing, wisdom, and guidance for your life. Your first priority should be to grow in your relationship with Christ. When you find a godly woman you like, spend time praying and seek godly wisdom from people you trust. If God shows you it is His timing, pursue her. If you marry her, keep pursuing her for the rest of your life.
Girls, this isn’t a check list for becoming the perfect wife. This isn’t something you complete and then move on. These are character qualities of a woman totally in love with the King of kings. Focus on knowing Christ and becoming more like Him. Serve the people in your life now and wait on God’s perfect timing. He has a better story for our lives than we could ever write ourselves. Trust Him with your life, including your desires to one day be a wife and mother.
What other qualities do you think are important in a godly woman and wife? Share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to read your thoughts.
And be sure to read my other post, 10 Qualities of a Man Worth Marrying.
Your sister in Christ,