Girl Power is Killing Chivalry
We live in a world where “girl power” is everywhere, from the movies and shows we watch to the music we listen to. Girls are having to lead stupid guys and be the heroes in a lot of movies today, but that is far from God’s plan for women and dishonoring to men.
When God created man and woman, He had a very clear plan for the different roles man and woman would play (Gen. 2). Man’s role is to lead, and woman’s role is to be the helper. Many people seem to have forgotten God’s perfect plan or decided to ignore it entirely.
Feminism has become an increasingly popular movement over the years. The first feminist act? When Eve took charge and ate the forbidden fruit, and then gave to her husband to eat (Gen. 3). Ever since sin entered the world, there has been a constant struggle against God’s perfect plan.
I’ve grown up working with bounce houses. I can roll and move most of them just like the guys I work with. I’m talking about jumpy castles that weigh a couple hundred pounds. It’s a job that I enjoy doing, along with a few other girls. We love it when we have a chance to move the heavy water slides without help from the guys. We feel accomplished. The problem comes when we are so focused on proving that we can do it without help from a guy, that we are actually robbing the guys of a chance at being gentlemen. We are robbing them of their role as a true man when we continually decline any help from them.
A few years ago, I read a 5 part article called Modern Day Chivalry by Brett Harris. In that article, he shared from a guy’s perspective of what it’s like continually being rejected. He says that the hardest part for a guy is usually getting up the nerve to offer his chair (or whatever the gentlemanly act may be). If we continually turn down a guy’s effort to be a gentleman, eventually they will become so discouraged that they may just give up. What’s the point of trying when girls want to do it all themselves?
Ladies, there is nothing wrong with wanting to do something on your own. Determination and drive are admirable qualities. But if a guy offers to help you with something, it’s all right to accept his help. Guys usually aren’t saying, “I don’t think you are capable of carrying your bag.” They are usually saying, “I would like to honor you by helping you with that.” Be grateful if a gentleman recognizes that need.
Ways We Can Help
I think we would all like to see more boys being men. You can play a big role in helping those boys become gentlemen. Below, I have 5 different ways you can help raise up gentleman in our generation.
1. Ask for their help
Brett Harris says that sometimes guys might need a little help. It may seem like you are defeating the purpose of a gentlemanly act by asking for it, but maybe the guys in your life need a little help themselves. Not all boys have been taught how to be gentlemen. It’s all right to ask a guy to help you carry something or open a door for you. I’d imagine most guys would be happy to help, and they get a chance to feel like real men. When you do this, you’re helping them learn to recognize that need, and they will see that such actions are welcomed.
2. Encourage gentlemanly acts
Always encourage the young men in your life. If they hold the door open for you, thank them. Show them that you really do appreciate what they are doing. In today’s world, gentlemanly acts are often looked down on. If their offers are turned down or laughed at enough times, they may give up ever trying again. The young men need all the encouragement we can give them.
3. Let them lead the relationship
Another way you can help boys grow into men is by letting them lead the relationship. Men should be the ones to ask for a lady’s number, and they should be the ones to express interest in a deeper relationship. You may think, ‘It’s just a phone number. What’s the big deal? If you ask for a guy’s number or you are the first to express interest, you are again robbing him of important opportunities to lead as a man should. If he doesn’t get the chance to lead from the beginning, he may grow lazy and never try to lead.
(Side note: Ladies, just like I told the guys in 5 Ways Guys Can Save Chivalry, a true gentleman will be a gentleman to everyone in his life. He will look out for the needs of others and serve everyone in his life. If a guy holds the door open for you, but he is disrespectful to his family or friends, there’s a good chance he doesn’t have the heart and the attitude of a real gentleman. On the other side, if he does have the character of a real gentleman, don’t assume just because he opens the door for you that he likes you. He may just want to serve and honor you. Until a guy expresses interest, you should assume you’re just friends.)
4. Raise sons to be gentlemen and daughters to be ladies
For some of you, children may be the last thing on your mind. For others, you may look forward to being a mother, but you still have a long time before that happens. Either way, you may one day have kids and the privilege to raise the next generation. If you have sons, you will have the perfect opportunity to raise up a household of gentlemen. Teach them the importance of serving others and honoring woman, and let them practice by learning to treat you, as their mother, with respect. If you have daughters, you will have an opportunity to raise up ladies who encourage young men and let them lead.
5. Pray for the young men in your life.
Ultimately, it is God who changes someone’s heart and life, not us. Pray for the men in your life, and even for all men in our generation. Pray that they will desire to live their life for Christ. Pray that He will change them and mold them into godly gentlemen who reflect who Christ is through the way they live. Also, pray that God would mold you into a godly lady, and that you would become a young woman who encourages young men to live for Christ and to honor women.
Joshua Harris says, “Femininity is not weakness. It requires great strength of character for a woman to be gentle in an age that screams for her to do otherwise.” I agree. Being a lady is the exact opposite of what the world expects from us. You may even have friends who laugh at the mention of being feminine, but don’t let that discourage you. We are called to be the bright lights in a dark world. We can do that by supporting our brothers in Christ and helping them grow into godly young gentlemen, and by learning how to be godly young ladies.
Your sister in Christ,